Chirpstory - How Chiron and I became friends...

After years of talking w/ many astrologers and folks about #Chiron, I think I finally have an understanding of it. #astrology

My problem w/ what's typically said about #Chiron the wounded Centaur healer is that it's usually too broad...or soft.

When you look up #Chiron, a comet, not literally a planet, here's typically what you find: http://bit.ly/iRVQeu

Take for instance, this sentence... #Chiron

Chiron, as a wounded healer, first must face issues of low self-worth and feelings of inadequacy and learn to rise above these issues.

My problem w/ a statement like that about #Chiron is that I don't know what that means specifically.

Who doesn't have to face issues of low self-worth and feelings of inadequacy? #astrology #fail

Of course, the natural response is that the nature of question of self-worth and feelings of inadq. depend on the sign and house positon.

But I have a problem w/ that. Low self-worth & feelings of inadequacy are not fixed attributes in all people or at all times. #Chiron

Before I was a pre-teen, my feelings of low self-worth blah blah blah only happened when I went to school.

But #Chiron has nothing to do with the area of my chart that deals w/ school, schooling or learning.

So I personally had no idea what to make of the low self-worth, blah blah blah. #Chiron

@revizion Until sixth grade, I felt like there was kryptonite in the very bricks of the school.

My other issue w/ #Chiron was what constituted as a wound and how was that different than the wounds that the planets signified?

I also had literal challenges to my physical body, having had 18 surgeries by the time I was 10, I knew abt #healing. #Chiron

However, I think that's more signified in my chart by #Jupiter and #Saturn. What did #Chiron say that was unique or distinct from them?

I mean, I have Saturn in #Aries in the 1st house, using Placidus, and that can signify height issues. I had that honest.

Then there are the people who seek to make #Chiron into the ruler of #Virgo w/o knowing or understanding how rulership works. #GetAClue

I mean, #Chiron is a comet, for gods/goddesses sake. How's it going to rule a sign? #JustStop

Anyway, so I became increasingly dismissive, though I really did want to be open. Then I started talking to @JChiron18 on twitter.

Obviously she's a big #Chiron fan by the name. It helps that she's also a #Centaur (Sag) & a healer (acupuncturist/astrologer in training)

Anyway, she had some better ideas about it, but they still didn't congeal...for me.

Interestingly enough, I'm approached by a neighbor to act out a role in a summer camp that she organizes based on the Percy Jackson books.

Meanwhile, the #Chiron in the sky now is very close to my #Ascendant, which represents how I navigate my path and identity in life.

I meet w/ her and she says she wants me to play the role of #Chiron as seen in the books for the summer camp. I burst out laughing.

So like a good actor, I get the book and start reading The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan.

Yesterday, I'm reading the book and I come across the passage where Chiron says he's a teacher of heroes...but it cld be depressing.

That gave me serious pause, but I couldn't understand why. Then I started thinking deeper.

There's a lot I started thinking about that I can't share because it's way too much to do, but not from lack of wanting to share.

Like how I am both fascinated by the wildness of the idea of Centaurs. How I went to a school whose mascot was the Centaur.

How I see #HouseMD as a #Chiron character, a wounded healer who can't heal himself. How I resisted #Chiron so hard.

(And remember that you must always pay strong attention to what you resist the most. It likely reveals who and what you are.)

Here I was going off to teach...heroes up in the Bronx. But I still didn't get the full measure of what happened internally.

Then I decided to watch the #HouseMD finale for this season again. This scene: http://youtu.be/DIRltim_Sog

Then it happened. My heart cracked open and I saw myself and my fight w/ #Chiron with crystal clarity. I knew what it was.

It was mainly a word: futility. #Chiron is the test of who we are in the face of futility, without promise of cure or release.

In that scene, when #House is asked, "Why are you doing this?," he sees why and the utter futility of it...for himself. Not his patient.

He wanted his patient to do what he couldn't do or saw as futile w/ his own relationship w/ Cuddy & himself. #Chiron

He couldn't let go. He wasn't willing to face his most gnawing "no-win" scenario. #Chiron

Yes, #Chiron is how you face your #KobayashiMaru, for all my #StarTrek fans, your own "no-win" scenario.

In an instant, I realized that most of the movies I loved and especially the ones that made me tear was about how the characters faced...

...futility.

#Chiron reflects the moment you surrender to giving your all, knowing your all may not be enough, yet it's your best/only hope.

#Chiron is the ultimate "hail mary" pass. #astrology

And here's the thing: you probably will never be as glorious or as beautiful as when you're giving your all in the face of utter futility.

And that doesn't mean that facing futility means that you will lose. It just means that you face knowing there no guarantees.

Resistance is futile...and the most glorious thing u can do, especially when u surrender 2 resistance. Not necessarily the thing resisted.

So I wasn't really resisting #Chiron as much as resisting my own relationship to futility. I didn't want to face the no-win scenario.

So what does my chart say about my #nowin scenario, considering my #Chiron is in #Pisces, in the 1st house of identity?

It says that I feel it's a futile enterprise being in a body & in the world. I resist the futility of form as much as I can.

This doesn't mean I am suicidal nor does it mean that I'm self-destructive.

It just means that sometimes I'd rather be anywhere but here and sometimes here is exactly where I need to be.

It's interesting, because what most of you couldn't have known that I've been thinking of walking away from my practice of astrology.

I felt it was futile.

Now, I feel my insight of #Chiron makes my choice to walk away that much harder w/ the promise of so much to learn despite...the futility.

RT @randomjeweler: @sfreynolds hey! you just healed my soul! :|: And then you get moments like this. #Chiron